A viral e-mail worth preserving

This also arrived recently from Shirley in Nice. I've been sent the list a couple of times before by other friends but am amused whenever I look through it. For some reason I know exactly with what intonation to read each word or phrase. My sigh is quite good too.

NINE THINGS WOMEN SAY

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine."

(4) Go ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud sigh : This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of "nothing.")

(6) That's okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome." That will bring on a "whatever.")

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I've got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to #3.